One of the biggest stumbling blocks with even considering becoming Catholic is the People Pleasing Problem.
I’m a big people-pleaser. Like… big. Huge, actually. The first 30 years of my life were basically spent doing everything everyone else wanted me to do – from choosing my hobbies to choosing a college.
I basically didn’t know who I was or what I thought about anything until I was 27 or so. Even afterwards, it’s taken me a few years to figure out that I don’t have to base my decisions on what other people think, or how other people are going to react. But it’s still something I struggle with occasionally.
So, the thought of becoming Catholic… of choosing a denomination other than that in which I was raised… of making a decision my friends and family members may disagree with… is paralyzing.
And by paralyzing, I mean, I’d rather do anything else than tell people I’m even considering it. Actually, I’d much prefer to be a Closet Catholic than anything else. I mean, honestly? Who would even have to know? I could keep the whole thing under wraps. Literally. I don’t think anyone would even have to find out until my funeral… and at that point, let’s be honest, I’m not really going to care.
But the problem with becoming a Closet Catholic, is this: When I come across something awesome, earth-shattering, and beautiful, I can’t keep my mouth shut about it. I have to share everything with everyone who crosses my path. I can’t just not talk about it. And that’s the same struggle I’m having now. I have so many things that I want to share with others about things that are Catholic… and I can’t. Because they wouldn’t understand. And I don’t feel I have all the information needed to make a clear case for Catholicism. (Clearly, when I haven’t even made the decision to join the church or not…) But what I do know I want to talk about.
I want to tell people how beautiful and reverent and inspiring Mass is. I want to talk about the sense of purpose in Catholicism. I want people to know how the church calls people to a higher standard rather than hiding under the “Grace” umbrella – Catholics are challenged to do more, to be more, to love more, to search more, to understand… MORE. But most of all, I want to show people how lovely and inspiring I find the whole thing.
So maybe that is the true purpose of this blog: To share my findings and my thoughts instead of hiding them. Because some of this stuff is just too good to keep in a closet.