Is that so much to ask?
Especially at Mass?
I just want to go… by myself… to sit by myself… and be left alone… with my own thoughts and prayers.
I want to be with Jesus. And talk with Him. And share with Him.
Because… He’s the reason I’m there. So, I can meet Him in the Eucharist. And… I just like to take it all in. By myself. In the solitude of my own thoughts and my own pew. The sights, the sounds, the liturgy, the scripture, the homily, the music… all of it. By myself.
But there are people who DON’T want to be left alone. Especially not at Mass. And it is this type of people I find myself inextricably connected to.
Because they seek me out.
And I don’t know why.
Because… as previously stated… I just want to be left alone.
No offense, but I don’t want my Mass attendance to become a group activity.
I mean, it’s one thing if you see me and invite me to sit with you or vice versa. AND I know you’ll be quiet and not talk through the entire thing. Because you’re just as enthralled with the Mass as I am.
But it’s another thing entirely to be all… “Are you going to Mass? Wanna go together? Which service are you going to? Wanna go together? Are you driving to Mass? Wanna go together? Are you going to the coffee social afterwards? Wanna go together? Wanna sit by each other? Wanna eat doughnuts together? Wanna receive communion together? Wanna kneel at the same time and share a missal together? Huh? HUH?! DO YA, HUH?!”
NO. I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE PLANS TO ATTEND MASS WITH YOU. BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE GOING TO MASS WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
But apparently, this has become a weird thing… an “un-Christian” thing… like I want to keep my faith all to myself and not share it.
Of COURSE I want to share my faith. I’ll share it with you at lunch time and after work and at dinner and at the coffee shop…
But that doesn’t mean I want to go to Mass with you!
Going to Mass with other people means chit-chat and distractions and ZERO prayer time… and… I go to meet up with Jesus. Not you. It’s nothing personal. I just like Jesus more than I like you.
But every time I try to explain that to someone… “Er… well… um… I kind of like going to Mass alone. It’s not you. It’s me. I just get more out of it when I go alone. (Plus, I’m kind of a ridiculously huge introvert who doesn’t like the company of very many people so… there’s that too…)” I get all this attitude:
UM… I’M SORRY. DID MY PROCLIVITIES INTERFERE WITH YOUR SOCIALIZING?!
Why… why is this an issue? Why can’t you just leave me alone… in my own pew… and socialize with me afterwards? I mean… you TOO can be just like me and go all by your onesie. I know, it might be awkward at first… but you can do it! I believe in you! (And it’s not that big of a deal! Catholics don’t bite! Even though, you of all people should know this, being a cradle Catholic…)
Being a new Catholic is hard, you guys…